


When In Doubt: A One-Shot Collection

by ladiesandlilies



Category: Black Clover - Tabata Yuki (Anime & Manga), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: AFI - Freeform, Aged Up, Angst, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Inspired by Music, Muse - Freeform, My Hero Academia - Freeform, NSFW, One-Shot Collection, Smut, The Dear Hunter - Freeform, aged up because we’re legal here, black clover - Freeform, bnha - Freeform, boku no hero academia - Freeform, coheed and cambria - Freeform, multifandom - Freeform, sfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladiesandlilies/pseuds/ladiesandlilies
Summary: i tried so hard to stay away from writing reader-insert anime fanfic but here we are.all of the chapters are based on and titled after the songs. leave it to me to get inspired to write while listening to coheed and cambria.i'll specify the smut chapters with NSFW in the chapter title. these are all random one-shots (most of them pretty much are related to each other based on character because I'm bad about continuous scenarios oops). i'm not as quick to get these chapters out but i have SO MANY planned out, i just need time. so please have fun, pick and choose your battles, dont talk to strangers, and make good choices! :)
Relationships: Amajiki Tamaki/Reader, Asta (Black Clover)/Reader, Bakugou Katsuki/Reader, Kirishima Eijirou/Reader, Takami Keigo | Hawks/Reader, Yuno (Black Clover)/Reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 105





	1. Love Protocol - Hawks (1/?)

_You locked a knife inside my heart  
Buried a key inside my mind_

Hawks would have never admitted it to the world. Let alone himself. He had wings for Christ’s sake! He was meant to soar above everyone else, scout new territories, lust after the adrenaline of new battles. If you’ve got wings, you should stretch them out and fly. There’s no need for you to be confined to the ground. So how could he have allowed himself to be pinned down so willingly? His blond hair swayed with the breeze caressing his cheek in an almost condescendingly gentle embrace, each of his crimson feathers lightly rustling in delight. He sat perched atop a building far above the skyline, his legs dangling recklessly over the edge. Hawks’ golden eyes glazed over as he thoughtlessly surveyed the bustling world below him. He was becoming a distracted mess, and he didn’t even know it.

_The maps surveyed, the X you chart  
Where our hands go to hide_

A thin smirk ghosted across his features as he replayed all the turnarounds and hoops you both had to jump through to preserve your safety. Being with a hero was asking for trouble, be it from the press or villains alike. Your relationship was a battlefield, and the mines were the risks just waiting to be set off. To blow you into oblivion, unforgiving in its brutal consequence. To shatter every ounce of comfort you’d fought so hard to achieve. But you were so willing. Ready to defy the odds and throw yourself into an ocean of secrecy and threats. Why would you do that? And why would he, Hawks the Number Two Hero who’s supposed to protect, let you? He raked a hand through his sun-warmed locks, eyes drifting upwards to the clear skies above as he leaned back on his palms.

_Should I remain unsettled?_

He was so young, already swiftly chasing a bright future as the Number Two Hero — almost a one-way ticket to being Number One. This job, this career path, this ambition hardly gave domesticity room to breathe. The days were filled with consistent calls to arms. The nights only lured out more villains to chase after its promise of protection within its shadows. Hawks was summoned constantly so how dare he give the romanticized ideal of a settled down life even an inkling of thought? Why was his heart so goddamn complicated? Girls (and guys) fawned over him daily, milking their wallets empty and sacrificing their pride over him. He had more money than he could possibly have any idea what to do with. He could have anyone or anything that he ever dreamed. He could live life at a dizzying pace and not have a problem with who gets left in his dust. But there was you. To stop the world before it escaped from beneath his wings. To grip his hand before he plunges too early. To breathe life into an immortalized idol and see him for the man that he is. And in a world where heroes had no time to kill, you somehow made it for him. 

_Watch goodnight turn to goodbye  
Goodnight turn to goodbye_

Hawks closed his eyes, a heavy sigh leaving him. Everyone always talks about the glorified parts of being a hero. The title acted as a glamour, painting such magnificent portraits of bravery and chivalry. It made triumphs out of simple people. But nobody ever talks about the illustrious failures and disappointments that heroes left behind in their wake.  
A grimace settled over his face as his eyes slid open to give the clouds a half-lidded lazy glare. As if it was their fault he always had to leave you. He hated to leave you behind. To see your (e/c) eyes peek from under the covers and fall into that knowing look, silently begging him to stay despite your whispered words of assurance.  
“Duty calls.” He tossed the phone away with a pronounced flick of his wrist, aggravation knitting his brow as he peeled himself out of your arms. He rubbed a hand over his face. He couldn’t even afford to look at you. Standing up, he felt your hand softly grab his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.  
“Keigo…” His defenses shattered with one word. He slowly turned to look at you, golden eyes searching yours in a quiet plea for forgiveness. And it came. Mercy blessed upon his brow as you pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. “Be safe, my love.” Your hand cupped his cheek, offering him assurance in the smallest of smiles.  
He carefully gripped your hand in his, holding it to his cheek as he nudged his head more into your palm. Nodding, he pried himself away from your touch. There will be no other like you. The sentiment echoed in his ears. He should have told you. The door clicked behind him with a threatening finality that scared him. When would he touch your door handle last? 

_Hold on to me  
Tell me you've got me, sweetheart  
The world is going dim in my gaze_

Hawks shook his head to clear it of those depressing reminders that leeched at the back of his head. He sat up, stretching out his wings behind him, and gazed back over the city. Where were you now? Grabbing dinner probably, the city’s lights unable to hold a candle to your delicate beauty. Were you searching the skies for a glimpse of him? He smiled at the thought. You. How your face would light up at the sight of his blurred silhouette in the night. Maybe you would find solace, knowing you were being watched over by your lover. Knowing that the world could crumble around you but you would always come out unscathed. What was it you called him? Your guardian angel? 

_Sweet vertigo  
Feel my lungs heaving, choking  
Clawing down my back, panic attack_

But what if he couldn’t save you in time? God forbid something happen to you and he wasn’t there to stop it. Or worse, you would be harmed in the hands of a targeted attack against him. Could he live with your blood on his hands, forever staining his consciousness in a crimson caricature of misery and guilt? No, he couldn’t think like that. He’s getting too far ahead of himself.  
Or is he? Was it really too foolish to discount the possibility of danger? His hands gripped the ledge tighter, his heart beginning to hammer in an uncomfortable attempt to battle the anxiety that slowly started seeping into his insides. He didn’t really think you both had it all figured out, did he? How his arrogance betrays him. You both read the risks, hand in hand. A youthful haughtiness laughing at the two fools in love who believed in some sort of cosmic invincibility. 

_I'm alone, watch me float as I fall_

Hawks’ breath grew ragged, his emotions stuttering out fragmented lyrics of rage and fear all in one catastrophic symphony. How vile a brain could be. He wanted to run, to flee from this perverse play of dread that plagued his consciousness. He suddenly pushed himself up to stand, too restless to remain idle. He paced the roof, an endeavor to fend off the quivering apprehension. His hands raked through his hair. Things could go so wrong so quickly, how could he possibly think this was a good idea. He could lose you. He could l o s e you forever. And it’d be his fault. For granting himself the pleasure of getting too comfortable in the idea of normalcy. For signing you up as some sort of necessary sacrifice in a selfish contract between being a hero and living a normal life. A guardian angel can’t protect you if he’s fallen. How could he be so stupid?

_The soundtrack placed over this heart  
It shares no rhythm of mine  
It juts and sways, it ends and starts  
All in and out of our time_

Wing Hero: Hawks. Hero. How he deceived them all. The charming speed demon of the skies with a devilishly handsome grin and a laid-back charisma dripping with sarcasm and laced with a touch of egomania. Golden eyes that lured you with sensuality but hid a fierce vigilance. A constant alertness. And fear. They knew he was smart, sure, but they never tasted his true cynicism. He never let them see inside to the intelligence. The knowledge that provoked such perpetual uneasiness. Personas were easy and gave the public eye enough space to feed them blissful ignorance. The world loved Hawks.

You loved Keigo.

_When I admit surrender  
Then maybe goodbye will turn to goodnight  
Goodbye will turn to goodnight_

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, leaning his head back to once again stare at the indifferent canvas of sky. Where was his happy ending? His job was to assure the safety and protection of the public, a guarantee of a life saved. But where was his promise? Even if it was just found in a day off? Or in the late hours of morning where he could sleep in with you wrapped up in his hold? He couldn’t even have sex without worrying about getting a call. What would he do if you wanted to move forward with your life? When you wanted to settle? How could he do that when most nights were spent telling you goodbye instead of goodnight?

_Oh no, we have been cursed  
The stage set for a tragic verse_

He rubbed his eyes, trying to make sense of all the nonsense he filled his head with. But it wasn’t really nonsense. Not quite. Breathing out an exasperated sigh, he once again turned his attention to the city below. You were probably home now. Eating alone. Worrying alone. Did you ever think about these things? Do you ever worry that one day he won’t come home? Or that you’ll always be left to clean up his messes? That you won’t get the future you’re wanting because this life was too dangerous and he was never home enough? When will you crack and beg him to stay? Didn’t anybody treat you better? Do you miss showing the world how much you love a person? Will you soon fall out of love with him once you’ve realized how cursed this fairytale truly is?

_Our love protocol romance  
Our air drained of happenstance_

He cleared his throat, blinking away the stinging in his eyes. But he couldn’t stop the dull ache deep within his chest that throbbed with every depressing query he spiraled into. He couldn’t keep the guilt from his heart, knowing he fixed everything to fall apart. Everything was so calculated and militant. Dodging questions and bullets all one and the same. All in the name of keeping you safe. He was just trying to keep you safe. 

_What have we turned ourselves into?  
This abstract personnel_

His pacing ceased. Breathe in. Breathe out. He swallowed back the fear. He was above stupid anxieties like this. He was the Number Two Hero. He didn’t climb this high for no reason. His face hardened with determination. Wing Hero: Hawks. Consequences would most definitely be damned because he wouldn’t allow them to occur in the first place. No, he would do everything in his power to make sure **no one** hurt you. 

_Hold on to me_

It was the only way to secure those stolen moments shrouded in your secluded home.

_Tell me you've got me, sweetheart_

He’d do anything for you.

_The world is going dim in my gaze_

For your head to rest upon his chest as your waking breaths echo in the comfortable silence and the late morning sun to bask your (h/c) hair in its heavenly embrace.

_Sweet vertigo_

For that gentle smile.

_Feel my lungs heaving, choking_

For the press in every kiss.

_Clawing down my back, panic attack_

"If corrupting myself is enough to put everyone else at ease, then I will gladly take on this job.”

_I'm alone, watch me float as I fall_


	2. Subtraction - Hawks (2/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst!! I'm sorry!!! I just have a lot of Hawks angst at the moment!

_The hurt across your face, your word against mine,  
The rhythm you repeat, the beat a hair behind,  
Were you on my side?_

“I just don’t see how you could possibly have any more time to give to work, Keigo.” The exasperated disbelief in your voice was evident. Your convictions were honest, and it made him uncomfortable. “You know I love you, and I know that your career…I knew what I was getting into. But, I just…” You sighed, running a hand through your distressed (h/c) locks. You pulled the sheets up more against your naked frame as you sat, looking up at the man you swore your love to. He was wordless, avoiding your eyes again as he slipped into his hero attire. You felt your shoulders sink. A heavy frustration tugged at your lungs, desperate to harden the lump forming in your throat. 

_You gave your all, but you gave it once, a lesson that you thought,  
You could teach it when you want, subtract me from your heart,  
Little take away girl._

If only you knew. He felt your heartbreak in every word, each frustrated sigh burning into his back. There just wasn’t enough time in the day despite how hard he attempted to make it. He tried. He really did. He just had to keep you safe. In doing that, there was no room for mistakes. No slip-ups. So he had to bare his teeth and tighten his grip because if he stumbled just slightly, you could dissolve between the cracks. All the masks he wore just to protect you, it’s a wonder how he kept up with them.  
Zipping up his jacket, he turned to look at you, your form small with your knees curled to your chest. Your cheek rested on your knees, (e/c) eyes studying him behind morose disappointment. It made his stomach turn. He did this to you. Almost every night. It was unsettling, the way your smile could fall at the sound of a ringtone. Of course, you were upset. He couldn’t blame you for not keeping the hurt subtle. He knew it’d be easier if you just let him go. But he also knew it’d kill the both of you in its own venomous way.

“What is it?” 

“You look beautiful. Sex really looks good on you, you know.” He offered that trademark lopsided grin, something to help mend the decaying bridges between the two of you. His way of letting you know that he was still yours. He was still Keigo.

_One step at a time,  
You made us angry,  
All your love could hide,  
But we knew you were afraid._

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head and turning your face away. God, sometimes you hated him. You hated the way he thought that would help things. You hated this constant disappearing. You hated the dodgy answers to your prodding questions. You hated that he wouldn’t talk to you about anything or offer some sort of explanation to his absences. And you hated that you still loved him. That you’d always be here, waiting for him. Waiting for those few precious times you could steal from him like a dog waits for its owner at the door. Were you pathetic for begging for his attention even if it was in small doses? Or were you patient and understanding in your acceptance of his hero path? Why were the lines so blurred?

_We accept, we unaccept, we made up, we're breaking up,  
You've thought you had enough, but maybe you didn't know,  
That this stage holds a show._

His smile faltered, his body shrinking if only minutely. He could feel you pulling away, farther and farther across the bridge you went. Leaving him behind. Hopeless in his attempt to pull you back in. Flowers and compliments and sweet sometimes could only carry you so far. He spent all this time in his hurry to not lose you that he never considered he’d be the one letting you get lost. Just hang on. Hang on, for him, please. He couldn’t offer you any sort of consolation, no justification for his persistent unavailability. He can’t bear to watch your faith in him dwindle any further. 

“Y/N…I love y-“ His phone rang for the second time. A clenched jaw. A tightened fist. A defeated sigh. A silent exit.

_One step at a time,  
You showed us angry,  
All your love could hide,  
But we knew you were afraid._

A tear clambered down your cheek, its trail warm and deliberate. You refused to watch him leave. You’d grown to resent the empty doorframe left behind in his wake. A part of you never got used to a cold side of the bed. You reached over and clicked the lamp off, curling back up under the covers and wondering just what it was that kept bringing him back.

_Misery, I digress,  
No recourse, no remorse,  
Let it be, I confess  
To every song that brought you back._

The night air was biting, unsympathetic as it gnawed away at his face. But it didn’t matter. Though he was far above the skyline, his mind was far above him. And his heart? Somewhere between broken and failing. He was a puppet, strung up at the hands of a divided puppeteer, but you somehow still managed to choke on the strings. All he wanted to do was explain it all to you. To run as far away as possible and never let you go. To take you to the stars and show you just how beautiful the world could be if it wasn’t so tainted with his deceit. But for now, all he could do was finish the job and hope you’d still be home when he got back.

_Misery, I digress,  
No recourse, no remorse,  
Let it be, I confess  
To every song that brought you back._


	3. Madness - Bakugo

_I, I can't get these memories out of my mind  
And some kind of madness has started to evolve_

Fuck this. The blond wrenched the faucet off in one swift swipe and snatched the hand towel from its place on the rack, pressing his face into the soft fabric. He closed his eyes, breathing in the crisp scent of fresh laundry. He was meticulous in nature and kept his home in pristine shape. Clean house, clear mind, no distractions as Number One Hero. And you respected that, you helped to keep everything as he wanted when he was away on the job. Though he’d never tell you how grateful he was for that. For you.  
Shut the hell up, Bakugo. A small irritated growl escaped from him. You’re growing soft. Too fucking soft. 

_And I, I tried so hard to let you go  
But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole_

Putting the towel away, though begrudgingly so, he started to step out of the bathroom but was caught by his own reflection in the mirror. He turned back to take himself in, an over-analytical squint to his eyes. Who the fuck did he think he was? He was Ground Zero. THE Number One Hero. The greatest damn hero in the world. Tch. He put too much work and effort into this grievous life-style to not be the best. He **earned** his way here. His muscles tensed as he examined himself carefully. Delicately. Scars littered his muscular body, amassed from the many battles he’d thrown himself into and won. All the lives saved. The stupid press. The even more stupid obsessed fans. He took a sick, conceited pleasure from their crying and sobbing and screaming his name, throwing themselves down at his feet like pathetic idiots. He smirked. All those snot-nosed faces were a definite turn-off. How could they let their pride slip away so willingly?  
A soft rustling echoed from his bedroom down the hall. His head snapped in that direction, sucking in air sharply. He waited, his breath suspended. Silence once again settled over the air, and he cautiously released his breath, shoulders settling back down. He glanced at his phone. 6:34. Good. You shouldn’t be waking up for a while. He never understood how you could sleep so late. And you were so clingy and cuddly in bed. So goddamn touchy all the time. A ghost of a smile flickered across his lips, his recollections holding no real malice in them. Because despite his protests, he never truly made you stop curling up into his side as if the blankets weren’t warm enough. He never slipped his hand out of yours when you reached to hold it amongst a crowd. He never turned his face away when you pressed wisps of kisses on his cheeks even if a blush crept up wherever your lips brushed. He never pushed you away when you rested your head on his chest. And if you were lucky, he would even press a kiss to your forehead. Maybe you wouldn’t notice how his heart still jumped, if only slightly, when you clung to him. As if some great thief in the night would steal him away from you. Like hell they would.

_I have finally seen the light  
And I have finally realized  
What you mean_

Flicking the light off, he trudged into the kitchen, stretching his arms as he did. He scavenged the cabinets, grabbing the first mug he saw. Of course it was this one. You bought it for him. Because it

“…reminded me so much of you!” Your smile spread across your face as you presented it to him, cupping it gently in your palms. 

“Why the hell did this remind you of me? You callin’ me fragile, half-pint?” He scoffed, eyes boring into yours with faux indignation. You brought the cup back to your chest, cradling the cold porcelain against the warmth of your skin. You rolled your eyes, shrugging away the obvious disappointment.

“Fine! Glad I kept the receipt…didn’t know a mug would scar your ego so bad…” your mutters were thick with annoyance. A subtle bitterness. 

“Give it here, idiot.” He held out his reluctant hand for it, eyebrows furrowed as he glared at you. So clearly done with your sappy bullshit. Your grin returned, and he felt his heart melt. The affection he had for you dripped down every rung of his ribcage. Shit.  
You placed the mug in his hand, gracing his cheek with a pleased kiss and moved to continue on your way. A quick hand gripped your upper arm, catching you before you drifted off without him. You both stood there, you trapped in his hold, heart racing. He faced the other direction, and you pretended not to notice the darkening blush painted on the bridge of his nose that was steadily seeping across his cheekbones. And then, you caught it. That unwilling grumble under his breath. A disgruntled whisper of an admission.  
“…thank you.” And he released you, quickly moving to put the mug away, his eyes still unable to meet yours. Perhaps it would have been a sin had he let himself stay. Because if he bore witness to the quiet adoration held so delicately in your soft eyes and parted lips, he wouldn’t have held back. He would have become a cascading waterfall, drowning in the three words he was so desperately afraid of. So, for now, you’d have to be content with what he could offer. For now, you’d have to settle with ‘i love you’s’ veiled as ‘thank you’s’. 

_And now I need to know is this real love  
Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?_

He sipped his tea slowly, reveling in the heat that leaked to his stomach and nestled itself there. An orange haze began to filter into the room as sunrise decided to acknowledge him. Fucking finally. He stepped over to the window, observing the first few breaths of the world as they opened their eyes to a new dawn. A quiet birth to promises of a better day. And that was why Bakugo loved the early rises. Sure, it provided structure to his schedule. But it gave him a few moments of restitution. For once, he could watch over the world before the chaos awoke. Standing in attendance as he felt the earth’s first inhale  
…and release as the sun broke the horizon, rising to bring forth a virgin hope.  
He took another long drag from his mug. His fingers mindlessly traced over the glossy porcelain, untainted and warm to the touch, and he waited. His ruby stare glazed over, leaving the rising sun to perform to a vacant audience.

_And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had  
Like some kind of madness was taking control_

“What do you mean you don’t wanna talk about it? You’re acting really fucking weird, and I want to know why! I deserve to know why!” His gruff tone grew ever more impatient with you as he followed you step for step down the hallway. But he was still met with silence. God, you were so fucking infuriating sometimes! He never understood how someone could be so damn obnoxious and hard-headed. You could evoke the absolute worst in him, and he loathed you for it. You were so goddamn good at pushing all of the right buttons. “So what? You’re still not gonna talk to me?? What’s wrong with you, Y/N?” He was hounding you now. “You’re making me look like an idiot, and I’m tired of chasing your sorry ass around! Tell me what’s up with you!” The slam of the bedroom door in his face cut off the childish yelling. “Oi!” He banged his fist violently against the door, the other one jiggling the door handle. “You can’t hide from me forever! I’ll wait here all fucking night if I have to! Do you hear me?!” His fists clenched at his side, fingernails pressing into the skin of his palms as he scowled at the door waiting for you to give in. But you didn’t.  
You cautiously peeked your head out the next morning to find him limply sitting against the wall next to the door, having fallen asleep in his attempt to wait you out. Your eyes softened at the sight of his sleeping form, arms crossed over his chest and head slumped forward. You were still hurting, but for the moment, it had been soothed. Grabbing a blanket from the bed, you draped it over him, tucking it behind his shoulders. Your fingertips just barely traced over the curve of his cheek, and you could’ve sworn he moved more towards your touch. Somehow, you knew how he felt deep down beneath the hellfire minefield surface. But you wished those feelings would escape from more than small slips and crevices. He gave you occasional drizzling showers when you wished for a hurricane. 

_But now I have finally seen the end  
And I'm not expecting you to care_

Bakugo sighed, setting his mug in the sink and walked towards the bedroom, his footsteps quietly padding in the morning stillness. He stood there in the doorway, unable to enter the beautiful exhibit that laid before him. He’d play the silent observer, if only for a moment, to this scene in fear of disturbing your messy tranquility far too soon. 

_But I have finally seen the light_

He smirked at your curled figure, surrounded by heaps of blankets, your (h/c) hair barely peeking out above the covers. So damn useless. The rising sun flooded the room with an obnoxious light, as if it envied the attention he spared you. But the sun was foolish, and in its attempt to steal him away, it only aided in your effortless allurement. He leaned against the doorframe, wondering just when you’d wake up but hoping he could have this little while of infinity. Murmuring a loving, “you better stay the fuck asleep,” just to make sure. 

_I have finally realized  
I need to love_

He never really understood just how you both ended up here. He knew he treated you like an ass-wipe a lot of the time. But you deserved it…sometimes. Even then, his callous nature wasn’t fair. The world could stand to see their hero as corrosive. Because he’d always be a hero no matter what. But you could flicker out, and his quirk could do nothing to bring you back.  
Nobody ever told him that anger was a reaction based off of fear. Nobody had to. He could destroy anything with a calculated blow from his palms. He could tear the world apart and put it all back together again if he so chooses. But you? You could melt the sun with an uncomplicated mixture of fevered promises and reckless caresses. Playing with fire was dangerous. But you carried his heart in a secured embrace in your palms. You consumed him. And danger had never known such a terrifying opponent. A love like yours left him dangling between paralyzing fear and breathtaking love. 

_I need your love_

But why the hell was he so scared of you? Of this? He was a goddamn hero! The Number One Hero! And he wasn’t gonna let some stupid fear stop him from having what he wants. He loved you. He _loves_ you. He was so sick of this angry battle he always waged with you in futile attempts to push you away. Nobody should love like that. Pretending is lying, and lying is for weak idiots who had things to hide. And he was _not_ weak. He just wanted to breathe long enough to tell you how he wondered what it was like to feel sheltered away from the world in the palms of your hands. To tell you how you set his lungs on fire with every kiss and touch of skin. To admit that he missed you every time he walked out that door. No, he wasn’t going to shove romanticism in your mouth by the spoonful. But he’d let you in. He’d let you know. Because he was sick of disappointing you with constant rejections, even if he took them back. He was sick of holding you away from him at an unbearably cruel angle. Because despite the nasty remarks, you took him as he was, abrasive and all. You finally gave him somebody to die for.

_Yes I know, I can be wrong  
Baby, you're too headstrong_

“..Katsuki?”

_Our love is_

Oh, his poor heart.

_Madness_


	4. The Bitter Suite - Yuno (1/7)

He wandered through the filthy streets, tired and aching from a day worn to the bones with battles and travel alike. The moon hung far above him, mocking his exhaustion. Yuno bore a stone cold grimace as he silently trudged through the streets, people scattering about from his path. But their stares still followed him and the excited whispers seemed to trap themselves within his shadow. Veiled silhouettes quickly fled into alleyways. Children gawked at him from their mothers’ hips. The women watched him with a wicked lust, a wanton fantasy their husbands could never know of. He wasted no time with them and their unspeakably disgusting masks of faux afflictions. He was used to this, no matter the town. He was a Magic Knight from the Golden Dawn, after all. This just came with the title. He spotted a nearby pub, a cautious relief bringing a bit of solace to his bruises. Maybe they could direct him to a place suitable for rest. He just needed rest. Tomorrow would come without so much as a second thought, and if he didn’t sleep soon, he would be left in its dust.   
The air reeked of old smoke and stale liquor and sins. His gaze lingered momentarily on a cloaked figure in the back corner, disguised by an unsettling doctor’s plague mask. How did a presumable doctor find himself here? His disinterested eyes swept across the room. How did he, himself, find himself in such a despicable place? He scowled, brandished with an obvious contempt for the sickly ghosts that leered at his ankles. They lived in world that was numb and cold, disparaging every fickle creature that crawled its floor. The men cast shrouded sideways glances. The call girls lurked in licentious corners, welcoming anyone with a dollar to spare and an itch to scratch. All of them dancing in a mumbled cacophony that begged all who enter to throw their morals right back out the door.   
He took a step up to the counter, amber eyes cold and unfeeling in their casual judgment. Yuno could feel their hateful glares, aware of just what that sigil on his cloak represented. That’s right, he thought, let them all fold. Decaying scum beneath his boots. He cleared his throat, grabbing the barmaid’s attention. 

“Excuse me.”

_She had the summer's smile with winter's skin; she moved  
A silhouette to serenade the soul_

The world beckoned his approach with the soft glow of your subtle smile, wistful (e/c) eyes falling upon him. This is how it would swallow him whole. Yuno’s reality halted around him, suspended by the strings attached at your fingertips. He inhaled, a delicate submission, as if it were the first breath he breathed before the dawn arrived. Slightly shaking his head, he caught his slipping tongue, remembering his true agenda.

“I require a place to stay for the night. Are there any inns around here? I’d be willing to pay anything.”

Your smile grew. Intricate in design and all the more compelling in its grace. He was transfixed by you. How could you, so beautiful and pure, be surrounded by the rot and grime of the city? Were you not tainted by the filth of this place? No, your face was too kind. Your hands were too clean. Your words did not carry the burden of malice. The dichotomy between you and the rest of the world was definite.

“I’m sorry…I’m afraid there aren’t really any places for people like you to stay. This town is riddled with darkness. Magic Knights never come here. So our people, we keep to ourselves. Which begs the question, why are you here? Have you come to save our souls?” You granted yourself a small laugh, catching his eyes with a flicker of a glance. Yuno’s heart fought in disobedience just to skip a beat at the sound, forgetful of the smile that ghosted across his lips. No…but I would save your soul, he thought. I’ll resurrect the sun in this city if only for you.   
“This may be a bit of a reach, but…since there aren’t any vacancies here, may I suggest…my own home? I know it’s improper, but surely you need rest. There isn’t a town closer than a day’s trek, and I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least offer. You are a hero, after all.” How dare you be so gentle and alluring with your words. Compassion knew no name in this world, but with you, it ran deep.

_She spoke with words beyond me and slowly I pulled away  
To receive a gesture implying an answer I didn't have_

He halted, if only briefly, as a growing hesitation bloomed within his chest. Could he really be so naïve? His temperance was cool. Rigid in nature. Surely, he couldn’t be so lost at the sight of a girl he barely knew. His hands twitched with uncertainty. The brave knight who stood so far above the rest of them with a contempt glint in his cold eyes now watched as the world beneath him crumbled. Standing in the debris was a little boy from Hage, all alone and scared of the wickedness that lurked in every murky corner. Who longed for nothing except reassurance in the form of a loving caress. Unaware of the sobering reality he had locked himself in.  
Yuno began to protest your suggestion but stopped himself. The temptation was wry, but this wasn’t a lucrative scheme to take advantage of him. No, he was smart. It was impossible to make a fool out of him. He could sense trouble from a mile away. But your mana invited him in, enveloping him in a secure cloud that held no ill will. You radiated nothing but warmth and generosity. Pure and unadulterated. And he had never felt the true embrace of empathy before you. 

_So I then smiled  
Responding, alarming_

“…yes.” The word left his lips before he could stop it, marked complete with the faintest of smiles. He could hardly believe himself, so trusting at the hands of this girl that stood before him. An illustrious deception. You smiled at him, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and folding the towel that rested on your shoulder. You stepped from behind the counter and offered him your hand. Yuno paused, but his heart hammered away at the fear until there was nothing but an unsullied trust within him. He turned a deaf ear to the screaming for him to stop and turn back, spinning his reality to fit his needs. He wouldn’t fall into a crooked paradigm. Virtue would shed heavy tears for him one day.

_Her hands were the first that I'd ever felt; she breathed_

His hand delicately slipped into yours, quietly inhaling at the coldness of your skin. Chill bumps raised across the entirety of his body. The world fell away, leaving Yuno to blindly follow you where you lead. His intelligent eyes questioning but full of wonder. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” His voice was soft, yielding a kindness he had not shown anyone in quite some time. 

You glanced over your shoulder up at him, sweeping over his complacent countenance. “Why wouldn’t it be? If anything I’ll feel safer with a member of the Golden Dawn sleeping under my roof.” His cheeks flushed at the thought. He’d have you alone, stealing glimpses of hushed passions that would entertain his imagination. All in the name of being your protector. How had he stumbled into such an ideal occasion, swept in right at the doorstep of an opportunity of beauty?

_Her lips hid her tongue from the world; she danced  
To the doors, endearing, she carried me  
"What's your name?" conceding_

“…Y/N.” 

“Y/N,” he repeated to himself, etching the name of his heart’s captor into imagination’s script. The night had never heard a sound so divine. He followed you inside your home, carefully regarding his accommodations.Your home was small, but Yuno couldn’t criticize you for it. He could sympathize with a humble living. You worked your way around the room, carefully lighting candles and stoking the fire back to life, illuminating everything with a warm glow. He sighed, carefully shrugging his things onto the floor in a small corner, being sure to keep it out of the way. You stood aside, watching him apprehensively. Had you really done this? 

“Are you hungry? I know it’s late, but I don’t mind cooking…” 

“No, thank you. I’m fine.” He couldn’t keep his eyes from you, watching your sheepish movements. The rose that dusted your cheeks. Your cautious glances. The unease in the way you bit your lips. Your soft, pink lips…

“Ah, okay. Well, I…I imagine you’re tired. I don’t have much space, so you’ll have to take my bed.” Your bed. Heat bloomed within his chest, skin flushing up his neck and to his cheeks. His jaw clenched, muscles hardening under the repression of tainted desires that found themselves emerging from the fissures in his defenses. This was moving far too easily in his favor. Had the universe, in its infinite omniscience, really planned for him to fall into the hands of faultless absolution?

_She kindly suggests  
To her room  
To rest my head_

“It’s getting late. You should rest…?” Your suggestion lead to the question of his name. Of course, he thought, she can’t let a nameless stranger sleep in her own bed. 

“Yuno. My name’s Yuno.” 

“Yuno,” his name left your lips with a grin, “You should rest.” He slowly nodded and followed as you beckoned him towards your room, a faint smile resting upon his lips. Was this what it felt like? When woman tempted man by the lustful juices of the forbidden fruit? Could you really blame the starving man for devouring it whole?

_Her history is left behind  
The ignorance has room to breathe_

In his haze, he never stopped to consider the girl who clothed herself in obscurity. Her innocence covered his eyes, and his desire threw him headfirst into her oceans. Resignation was never an option for Yuno, but your heavy-lidded eyes enticed him into the tumultuous waves of surrender, and he never thought twice about drowning. Giving in tasted sweet from your cupped palms.

_They play a part and act a scene  
The prejudice and the guilty_

“Yuno?” You called to him in a whisper, a siren song for the sleepless youth. The moonlight traced your silhouette, guiding him to you. He waded towards you, lost in a drunken stupor. His clothes were heavy on his skin. The prey would fall on his knees if only to hear you say his name again. To feel your fingers run through his scalp. To have your wandering hands outline every curve of his ravenous form. To have your lips do the same. He swallowed thickly, his primal yearning putting a tremor in every exhale.  
He stood before you, those amber eyes intense in their gaze as he looked down on you from behind the mussed raven hair. Your breath hitched. The night sky coveted the mirrored lovers. The prejudice and the guilty. Eros awakened within his breast. Aphrodite set a fire within your bosom. Yuno could recognize your trepidation, the nervous warmth flooding over his senses. Step for step. Breath for breath. Pulse for pulse. He knew you’d bloom just for him. You knew he’d burn just for you.

_Where's her heart, where's her heart?  
Mimicking the matriarch_

Inches apart. You heard the quickening rhythm of his heart. He felt the warm whispers of your breaths. The cold hand meets the sturdy chest as hearts divulged themselves in a torrent of unquestioned passion. He brought a hand up to caress your jawline. A gentle touch masquerading a fervent lust. Slowly, he brought his lips to yours. Light burst behind his eyelids, and with one kiss, all the world ruptured into a blinding spectrum of colors. A breeze swept your hair away from your shoulders, wrapping you both in a whirlwind embrace. And in one reckless instant, he forgot to breathe and stepped into the ocean below, cradling you within his arms.

_He's naive; blissfully  
Ignorant and trusting_


	5. Undisclosed Desires - Hawks NSFW (3/?)

“Don’t,” he caught your wrist, eyeing you with a playful caution, “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” His whisper was devilish in your ear as he released his grip on your wrist, trailing his fingertips down your forearm. “You don’t wanna get caught in a sticky situation, do you?” His low, breathy laugh tickled the rim of your ear, his lips lingering dangerously close. He relished in his subtly lewd humor, knowing the heated friction it was creating in the back of your mind. And between your legs. He knew exactly what he was doing.  
You flickered a heated gaze to meet his golden one. He tilted his head, possessing you with a sexual sultriness that started in the shadows between your thighs and flushed its way up to your ears. His pupils dilated, an animalistic craving erupting at the heat that now radiated from your pining body. He wanted to desecrate you.  
“Guess you’ll have to finish up nice and quick, won’t you, flyboy…?” Your voice was hushed with a husky whisper causing Hawks to release a quiet growl from deep within his throat. The heat grew in your cheeks. His eyes squinted as they bore into yours, the edge of his lips just slightly turned upward into a mischievous smirk. His fingers delicately dragged down your arms, chills rushing up your skin. Your hot breaths intermingled in that delicious moment before the storm. Heartbeats quickening amongst the humid passion that danced around your hips, pushing you both together. Closer. Close. Tension. Apprehension. Release.

_I know you've suffered  
But I don't want you to hide_

Hawks pushed his lips against yours, barely leaving you time to rebound with equal force. He kissed you with a careful violence. There was no time for gentleness. There was only you and him and just enough space for lust to breathe. Your hands splayed across his chest as you pushed back, giving his bottom lip a nip with your teeth. Oh, but that only egged him on. He groaned, delighted at your eagerness, and pushed you to sit on the couch. He leaned over you, seizing your lips with his again as he crawled onto the couch above you, trapping your hips between his knees. He cupped your chin firmly with one hand and caressed your cheek with the other. He knew you felt the growing erection gently press against your heat. Your body could collapse with need. With a startling flourish, he spread out his crimson wings in their entirety to loom above you, and taking advantage of your surprised gasp, pushed his tongue into your mouth. He smiled against the slippery mess of lips and tongues. He was relentless, edging between passionate and desperate. This man would devour you whole. He’d digest you one sloppy kiss at a time. And you’d let him.

_It's cold and loveless  
I won't let you be denied_

He moved with impeccable speed and skill. Hawks latched his lips to the curve of your neck, sucking on the skin and drawing out a heavy sigh from your throat. He was so quick to claim you. Your eyes rolled to a close, gripping his blonde locks in your fingers and resting your cheek against his head. He gently nipped and sucked at your skin, working his way down the curve of your neck. A pleasured hum followed his movements. His wandering hands moved to finger the hem of your shirt, working it up and over your head. Hawks sat back, marveling at the sight before him. The pre-sex mess he made of you with your disheveled hair and naughty eyes that dared him to make another move. You were flawless. He chuckled darkly, golden eyes shrouded under the haze of impure thoughts. Without a second’s hesitation, you reached back and unclasped your bra, exposing your chest to him. Your nipples hardened at the sudden exposure, and Hawks **l o v e d** it. Embarrassment held no bearings with you. The only thing driving you was that carnal necessity to fuck. 

_Soothing  
I'll make you feel pure_

His gaze darkened, and he slowly pulled his shirt over his head, never taking his eyes away from yours. You watched on hungrily, eyes burning as they consumed his muscularly toned torso with a naughty greed. Your hands reached instinctively to his chest, your fingers outlining every curve and indention as they made their way further down his stomach. Your pouting lips were plump and slick from his loving abuse. The scent of your growing arousal was thick and intoxicating. He’d find himself drunk off of you. He growled, guiding you to lay down on the couch with his lips attached at your collarbone. 

_Trust me  
You can be sure_

He drug his hand down your navel and slipped it into your panties, smirking at the slick that coated his fingers. He pressed his middle finger against your clit and swirled, a heavenly wave of tension building in your lower stomach. The last thing on his mind was going slow.  
“Keigo!” You gasped, your hand gripping his shoulder as you slowly decayed to ruins beneath him. Your groans were dripping with a vulgarity that made him weak at the knees. He did this to you, and how easily you unraveled beneath him. He could make you feel so wanted, so desired, so loved. He’d make sure you felt this way. To make up for all the closed doors and empty beds.

_You trick your lovers  
That you're wicked and divine_

He trailed his lips away from your neck, slowly making their way to your sternum and leaving little love bites on the way. Your skin would be marred with delicate bite marks and raw hickeys by the morning. Red and purple would tattoo your skin in a suggestive show of possession. He was yours just as much as you were his. 

_You may be a sinner  
But your innocence is mine_

His tongue found its way to your hardened nipple, swirling and sucking, extracting a gorgeous whimper from you. Your fingers tugged at his hair as you whined at the stimulation, a warm buzz traveling from your toes to your brain and engulfing you in a wonderful haze. His free hand palmed your other breast, twisting your nipples between his thumb and index finger. He felt the slight warmth of his pre-cum leaking at the filthy noises he elicited from you. God, he’d fuck you senseless if you kept going as you did. He’d bathe you in fleshly worship, and from that, you’d rectify all of his shortcomings. 

_Please me  
Show me how it's done_

You were becoming a disheveled, sweaty mess beneath him at the swirl of his fingers, having now moved onto two and moving quicker. You bucked your hips against his hand, ready to be fucked. You wanted him to feel you from the inside and, dammit, you were already far too close to coming for him! Your breaths were heavy and ragged, panting and helpless pinned beneath his body. You felt it rushing up on you, that wave of trembling pleasure running up through your veins and circling your cunt like vultures above its prey. Your back arched, a gasp getting caught in your throat. You were so close, so goddamn close. He moved his lips back up to yours, swallowing your moans and stifling them with his tongue. Your hand latched to his back, dragging your nails down his skin. He stuttered in his movements, shivering as your fingers grazed over that sensitive spot between his wings. He sat up, snatching his hand out of your panties, depriving you right at the brink of your orgasm. You huffed, running a hand through your hair and shooting him an aggravated glare.  
“That’s not fucking fair.”  
He looked down at you with a half-lidded stare, lusty eyes searching your face. “I want you on top.” He stated it with a confidence that put you in your place. Commanding but lenient. He wore dominance well. You nodded, more than willing to ride him senseless. He grinned, dark and fiendish, as he carefully pulled your pants down. He leaned back over you to plant kisses on your stomach, your hips, right above your dripping cunt. He locked eyes with you, golden eyes possessed by the devil himself. You felt his hot breath against the wet stain of your panties. Jesus Christ, this man was going to end you. Offering you deathless death on a filthy table. He hooked his fingers over the waist of your underwear and slowly unveiled the slick sin that was imploring to be fucked raw. 

_Trust me  
You are the one_

He stood up away from you, his eyes remaining on you naked form. He dropped his pants to the floor, smirking at the way your eyes immediately ventured to his cock. He was hard and alert all because of you. He pumped it in his hand, a little more pre-cum glistening on his tip, and seated himself on the couch. He was ready for you. He’d been ready for you.  
You moved over to him, throwing your leg over his lap and settling yourself just above him. Hawks gently smiled at you, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear. You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips and letting it linger for a moment before you pulled away, your forehead resting against his. “Are you ready?” His hand rested at the back of your head, gently scratching at your scalp. He nodded, giving you another tender kiss. 

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

He guided his tip to your entrance and looked up at you with a childish innocence, begging for permission (or repentance, you’d never know). You slowly lowered yourself onto him, tightly clutching his arms. A stuttering gasp escaped you as he filled you, a feeling you weren’t sure you’d ever get used to. He unleashed a drawn out groan, his fingers digging into your hips to help keep you stable and guide you. “Fuck,” he breathed out as your walls enveloped his cock. You were so warm, so beautiful, so _tight_. This is where he’d find retribution. Buried deep inside of you, he was human once again.

_I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask_

The delicate caresses of his hands tickled the underside of your thighs as he helped you set your pace. Your hips rolling against his, pushing him in further. You bit your lip, whimpering as you felt him hit your G-spot with each grind of your hips. His hands wandered further up your waist, gripping you tighter as your pace began to quicken. Hawks clenched his jaw, stifling another groan as you rode his dick mercilessly, watching your breasts bounce before him. God, he loved your breasts. You clutched the back of the couch for more stability as you pounded his cock, every thrust sending you further into oblivion.  
“Ah, fuck…Y/N…” he leaned his head back, groaning your name louder. This felt too good. Too fucking good. You were robbing him of his lucidity with each lewd sound of skin slapping skin. “Shit…” he hissed through clenched teeth. His hips began to move in sync with you, pushing him further inside and forcing you to bounce quicker. His fingers dug into you harder, ensuring those finger-shaped bruises you so loved to brandish.  
“Oh, God, Keigo!” Your hand latched into his hair once more, tilting your head back as the pleasure returned in massive waves. He slapped your ass, and you yelped, relishing the sting. He did everything perfectly. So fucking perfect. You were panting, arching your back as you both grew closer to release. He buried his face between your breasts, pressing wet kisses to your sternum in-between vulgar curses and moans for more. You wrapped your arms around his head, holding him to your chest as you both barreled towards the threshold of orgasming. White began to envelop your vision. Hawks’ muscular arms wrapped around your back, fingernails boring into your skin as he focused his final few thrusts into you, unable to hold back that burning need to fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_

“Y/N! Fuck!” His body seized underneath you, tensing as your walls milked him of his warm seed. His muscles hardened underneath your hold as absolution surged through him in an overwhelming tide of pleasure. He was reconciled and clean once more. You weren’t far behind, reaching your peak as you wailed out his name, the waves of pleasure forcing your legs to quiver. Your breaths were husky and deep as you came down from your high, the tension slowly dissipating from your sweaty bodies. You laid against him, chest to chest, heart to heart. You both succumbed to the stillness until your breaths slowly evened out and your heart rates resumed their normal rhythm. You gently lifted yourself off of him, some of his cum spilling down the inside of your thighs.

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

You moved to clean up, but his hold on you tightened, refusing to let you move. So there you remained, resting your head in the crook of his neck. He pressed his lips to your shoulder, his thumb tracing mindless patterns against your back. You were sticky with sweat and cum but neither of you cared. You earned this moment of restitution. Of a quiet embrace. To once again memorize the patterns of each other’s breaths. To remember the cadences of one another’s heartbeats. To relearn the intimate intricacies of each other’s song so that you may sing together as one again.  
His crimson wings rose and moved to envelop you both, hiding you away from the rest of the world and the monstrosities it would bring in the morning. Hawks kissed your shoulder and turned his head to look down at you. No longer bound by lust, he could only look at you and remember what it is to love. You offered him a soft smile. He returned it in kind and kissed you delicately. As the dawn greets the horizon. 

“I love you…” he whispered against the smile still painted on your lips.

“I love you more.”

“I love you always.”

The phone rang. Dusk came just as quickly.


	6. Ghosting - Tamaki Amajiki

_I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting along  
Ghost in your house, ghost in your arms_

Tamaki released a stuttering breath, stuffing his clammy hands into his pockets and sidling over to the wall in the hallway. He had to stay out of the way. He had to make himself small enough to disappear in plain sight. To disappear from you. He huddled against the cold brick of the wall, shrouding his blushing face behind his raven hair, only peeking through to catch stolen glimpses as you walked down the hall. Your footsteps drew ever closer. Every footfall increased his heart rate. He was sure by the time you reached him, he’d be dead.  
He wondered what it’d be like to catch your eye, if only for a moment. So he knew that you had seen him. That you knew who he was. He wanted to fall endlessly in the infinities you held in your beautiful (e/c) eyes. But the idea terrified him. He’d get lost, drifting aimlessly through time and space. He’d only make one great unyielding fool of himself. He’d turn to ash if you ever so much as breathed in his direction, scattering his remains across this glossed over grime of a tiled floor. Tamaki was a blubbering moron, caught helpless in the music of your simplicities. And you would never know.

_When you're tossing, when you turn in your sleep  
It's because I'm ghosting your dreams_

You laughed, and Tamaki’s world was rewritten. It brought the faintest of smiles to his face, burning red with the blush of nervousness. He wished it was him that made you laugh like that. He wished it was him you were walking with, the one making you smile. But he was too inept, too socially awkward, too scared to ever be enough for you. His hands trembled in his pockets. He wasted so many nights dreaming of you. No, never wasted. You were not a waste. If anything, the fact that you haunted his dreams was a blessing in and of itself. They were the only fragments of a reality he could have to himself. All he had to do was pluck them from their safe compartment like a memory when the want for you became too much. When he wanted to make you laugh, when he wanted to make you blush from delicate compliments, when he wanted to intertwine his fingers with yours, when he wanted to carefully tuck a falling strand of hair behind your ear, when he wanted to kiss those sweet lips. 

_And this is why I have decided  
To pull these old white sheets from my head_

Like the sun chases the stars, he’d watch you. An astronomer, sick off of an endearing fascination with other worlds. You were a constellation, and all he could do was draw out a map of your stars, knowing the closest you’d ever be was when he gazed at you through his telescope. Only then would there be no space between. Though Tamaki was well-acquainted with the night, you pulled apart his darkness with the temporary radiance of a stolen glimpse. Was your heart measured with stardust? Were you born from the twinkling remnants of moonlight? Were you sewn together with the golden threads of the sun?

_I'll leave them folded neat and tidy  
So that you'll know I'm out of hiding_

You walked past the window, the morning sun’s brilliance illuminating your (h/c) hair and casting you in its heavenly glow. With shortness of breath, Tamaki watched on as you bathed yourself in its divinity. You looked like this to him always, but it never ceased to leave him suspended breathless in time and space. And for a moment, his nerves slipped away as he watched you in complete wide-eyed wonder. How rare and beautiful it was to be so devoted to you. Why was he chosen to bear this burden? What had he done to watch something so fragile in its splendor? The darkness returned, and Tamaki retreated back to the shadows. You would never consider him. You walked on sunlight. You gifted the world with the universe’s magic spilling from your fingertips. You made violent and angry things into graceful and wholesome things. He was darkness and unfamiliar and worldly. He was Suneater. He’d devour you whole and obscure you. He’d taint you with his brokenness as soon as he opened his mouth. You would only know him as a silhouette, and there he would remain. That’s how it had to be.

_I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting alone  
Ghost in the world, ghost with no home_

He longed to talk to you. My God, he was desperate to utter some word to you. To whisper a prayer to this deity he had made of you. What would it be like for you to say his name? Would it be the gentle song of the morning birds. The whisper of winds between the branches of the cherry blossom trees, welcoming him in as it did the awakening of spring? The very idea of talking to you seized his lungs in a chilling grip, and the anxiety settled in once more. He clenched his eyes shut, convincing himself that he would never talk to you so there was no point in being so scared of something that was impossible to fathom. You’d never talk to a freak like him. He was emotional and creepy and dark and scared. All the time. Moronic and embarrassing. You would never love him like he wanted you to. He’d never be your kind of special. 

_I remember, I remember the days  
When I'd make you oh so afraid_

He wanted you to want him like he wanted you. He wanted you to notice when he wasn’t there. He wanted to be perfect like you. He wanted to love you. But he didn’t know how. His recycled heartbreak was his most treasured work of art, as he revisited it every day. Stitch by stitch, he tore it open and put it all back together again. Obsessively pining over the broken pieces as he struggled to find the right way to rearrange his heart. Maybe there was a right way to love. Maybe there was a right design for his heart that would be perfect enough to make you smile. You were his greatest architect, but all he had to offer was cheap wood and rusting nails. 

_Hey, would it be so bad if I stayed  
I'm just a ghost out of his grave  
And I can't make love in my grave_

Would it be so hard for you to just look at him? To notice him? His fists clenched in his pockets, nails digging into his palms. The frustration made him miserable. Of course, none of this was your fault. It was all him. He just wasn’t **good enough**. And it hurt to know he would always be at the bottom rung of your ladder. It garnered a deep sickness within his stomach, queasy at how unwanted he was and just how deserving he was to be this way. He was afraid most of his life, making a nervous wreck out of his existence. How could he ever be your hero? Or any hero at all?

_I won't put white into your hair  
I won't make noises in your stairs_

He bit his lip, turning his face to hide away the shame. An open wound he wasn’t comfortable sharing with the rest of the school. He squeezed his eyes shut. If he didn’t see it, it wasn’t real. If he didn’t see you, then he would disappear and become the ghost he already was to you. But no. He needed to see you one more time. He needed to remember you as you are…to lock this image of you away until he retrieved it again. Idyllic was your nature. He needed to preserve it.

_I will be kind and I'll be sweet  
If you stop staring straight through me_

He peeked his eyes open, squinting as he took in your brilliance once again. You were so painfully close. His heart raced, running headfirst for your arms. And for once, he let it. His heart would always want for you, so why not let it dream too? He sighed, leaning against the bricks as his dark eyes followed you every footfall. Perhaps he should be grateful. He was unnoticeable, so he could get away with this. The way he watched you walk. The way he drank you in like flowers in the first full rains of spring. The way he pictured his phantom dancing around you, letting his fingers glide up your arms and play with your hair and brush against your cheek, all the while whispering sweet nothings in your ear. The way he could love you through haunting alone. But all you’d see was a brick wall. 

_And this is why I have decided  
To leave your house and home unhaunted_

In another reality, maybe he’d be enough to make you happy. To be the source of that beautiful laughter. If only he could see inside your mind. He’d know what to do to reach you. He’d figure out the right words to say to get you to want him. There was just so much to tell you and no space to breathe out the right words. What would you do if you knew he’d gift you the world if he could? Couldn’t affairs of the heart be easier? Tamaki couldn’t decide if it was a privilege or a curse to love you. Because by God, he loved you. He felt it in the thrum of his heartbeat. He loved you in the way he vowed to defend your every breath. He loved you with the smile that he grew along the sidelines as you laughed at something your friend said. He loved you through longing gazes and hopeless daydreams. He loved you. Because after the nightmares had finished, the idea of you hung above him like a light in the hallway. Subtle and beautiful and distant and comforting and hopeful.  
You walked past, your breeze lightly tugging on his uniform sleeve, causing his hair to gently flutter in your wake. He froze, holding his breath until you had passed. His eyes trailed down to his shoes. That would be the closest he’d ever be to touching you. You floated in worlds far above him, and Tamaki was reminded that the heaviness in his heart belonged to his own gravity.

_You don't need treats, you don't need tricks  
You don't need treats, you don't need no Hallows Eve_

What the hell was he thinking?

_You don't need treats, you don't need tricks_

He didn’t belong. Not here. And especially not with you.

_And you don't need me..._


	7. The End of All Things - Kirishima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for taking so long to write up another chapter! This past couple of months, I've been going through it, so I do apologize for my absence. That being said, this chapter is nothing short of a shameless self-comfort to help with what I've been dealing with. The scenario is very, very specific so it won't relate to everyone, but I hope that someone somewhere can relate to this at least a little bit and know they're not alone. <3 Much love to all of you, thank you for reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings! :: Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Alcoholism, Prescription Drug Abuse, Neglect

It rang out, guttural and heartbreaking, against the empty walls of your bedroom. Shadows clung to the farthest corners, afraid to step foot into the damning scene before them. For tonight, they’d give you a break and let your demons deal with you. Your lungs burned from another stuttering gasp. You clutched your phone tightly in your hand, intangible rage pressing your skin uncomfortably tight against the cold, apathetic device. Your teeth dug into your bottom lip, struggling to fend off the second cresting wave of a sob. It forced a lump in your throat and beat against your teeth, fighting to be let out again. And so you let it. A cry of agonizing betrayal. Shameless in its shrill nature. Grief and bitterness and hatred all converged into one tragic display in your contorted expression, mouth pried open in a silent scream, cheeks slick from the ever-falling tears. This scene had played out a thousand times in your life. How foolish were you to think that old keys could ever unlock new doors?

_Whether near or far_

Kirishima’s heart stopped at the sound of your sob. You had just gone to lay down for bed…what happened?? In a moment of sheer terror and pure adrenaline, he hurtled himself off of the couch, barreling to you without a second’s hesitation. 

_I am always yours_

“Baby?!” He called out to you, mind numb with concern. Primal fear controlled his movements as he scrambled across the floor, throwing the bedroom door open. The blood swelling in his ears ceased instantly as he found you there on the bed. An awful ache surged throughout his chest, his resident heart breaking at the pitiful sight of you. He saw your world falling in pieces around you. Could he never protect you from the sorrows that lurk in this godforsaken place? 

“Eiji…” your voice was fragile, breaking at the simple utter of his name. So helpless. So lost. So alone. Leaking eyes implored him for an answer to a question he didn’t have.

_Any change in time_

“Hey, hey, hey, hey…” he rushed to your side, climbing onto the bed beside you. “Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?” His words were gentle, careful in the way they carried themselves as he searched you for any wounds or indication of distress, ever the hero in even the simplest of matters. He settled on the bed next to you, glancing at your wordless figure with a crimson gaze of concern. Kirishima reached up, smoothing your wet hair back from your face, brushing away a few more tears from your cheeks. You wouldn’t look at him, your eyes fixated on the wall before you, lost amongst the swallowing waves of hurt. Where did you go? What happened? What dragged you out to those rough and stormy waters? 

_We are young again_

His eyes trailed your arm to the phone still illuminated in your clutch. Eyeing you carefully, he pried the phone from your fingers. Another tear fell from your distant eyes, but you made no half-hearted attempt to stop him. A sigh released from his lungs. Your heartbrokenness broke his own heart. Glancing back down at the phone, he scowled at the name that bore guilt to your affliction. Mom. His eyes only wandered so far before your gravelly whisper cut through the darkness. 

“You wanna know what’s funny, Eiji? The real humor in all of this?” Kirishima glanced up at you, your eyes were still distant but you wore a distinct faint smile that carried nothing but an uneasy hurt. His stomach turned. Did he truly want to know? 

“That man…the one she’s sleeping with?” You huffed a sarcastic laugh, “he’s married.” You slowly turned your head to look at him. Your lips were curled in a tortured smile, eyes glazed over with a thick layer of tears. You were falling apart in front of him, and it absolutely terrified him. “And you want to know the icing on the cake?” The tremor in your voice detailed the melancholy that swam in your veins. Defeat drug its filthy claws down your neck and plunged itself in the next sentence that left your lips. “He beat the shit out of me…” It was barely a whisper, but it was enough. A warm tingle travelled down his face as it dropped, stiffening in the wake of the awful truth. You had told him of your childhood, mentioning remnants of a past stained with horrific memories of an alcoholic mother hooked on prescription drugs. The constant back and forth behavior between doting mother and neglectful abuser. Harmful words that pushed the knives in further. The scared little child that followed in her explosive wake. Kirishima gasped, jaw falling open. A bitterness pooled in his mouth, plaguing his tongue with the inability to respond. 

You laughed again, venomous and quiet. “He beat the shit out of me. He took a belt to me and beat me before I even knew what was going on. To this day, I don’t really know why he did that.” More tears spilled over. Your brow furrowed as you recalled that damning memory. “My mom told everyone I fell down the stairs. But…how do you get welts from falling down the stairs?” Your eyes locked with his, and his entire world burned around him. A sharp pain settled in his chest. He wanted to hold you deep within his heart and forever protect you. But he couldn’t. And here you were before him, hurting because of his failure. Your lip trembled, eyes begging for answers he couldn’t give. “How does that happen, Kiri?”

“Y/N, I…” he couldn’t find any words to say. He couldn’t console you the way you needed to be consoled. He couldn’t take away the hurt and the pain and the ghosts that haunted you. His eyes burned, welling up with uncontrolled tears. He stared down at his hands, ashamed and unsure. You looked away, slowly slipping into another daze.

“You know…I just thought…that maybe after losing me for ten years…maybe she’d change and love me. That maybe I’d be enough this go round.” You closed your eyes, teardrops glistening as they slid down your wet cheeks. “But the truth is. I never was…and I never will be.” Your voice broke, signaling your silence as you slipped away again.

Kirishima heaved a stuttering breath as he wiped at his eyes. He never knew just how much hurt you carried with you. Your shoulders must burn from the weight. And here he was, coming to you day in and day out, complaining about the stupidest things. While you waged wars without so much as a sound. You were Atlas, and he was just another weight on top of the world. He pinched the bridge of his nose, forcing the sorrow back down his throat. This was not about him. Collecting himself, he focused back on the phone with the newfound perspective. He read through the messages that slowly began to burn through the screen. A sweltering heat ignited within his stomach and slowly lit his insides alight as he continued to ingest the disgusting words that lay before him. You found out in the worst way possible, and the admission lay right here in his ever hardening grip. How. Fucking. Dare. That Woman. 

Red was his color. Red meant so many things to Kirishima. The call-sign of his idol, Crimson Riot. The emblem of chivalry and heroics. Red was the ruby and garnet encrusted jewelry you wore to mark yourself as his own. It was your favorite shade of lipstick to wear on those special nights where the world was your oyster. Red was passion. Red was love. It was the kiss left behind in the remnants of a passing night. The blood rushing in his veins as he made love to you. Red painted his world with so many beautiful things.

But this time,

Red was rage.

He felt it begin to consume him from the inside out. His grip hardened. His heart rate quickened and deepened. Tension began to seize his muscles. He clenched his jaw as his vision began to swim with a deep vermillion, boiling with an overwhelming desire to tear apart the very thing that was seeking to destroy you. He felt it coming on. His body was hardening, uncontrollably so. If he didn’t put a stop to this now, he’d go full Unbreakable - but the anger was so strong and the need for vengeance was so potent. Hurting a helpless child was beyond unmanly! How could he get away with something like that? He was no better than a villain, he deserves - No. He forced himself to breathe deeply, quelling the anger to a low simmer as he set the phone aside before he crushed it in his grip. 

“I’ll be damned if a _fucker_ like him - “

“Eiji…” you quietly interjected, a hand reaching to cup his cheek. His choice language seized you from your solemn trance. He gripped your hand and pulled it away from his face. His hands rested firmly on your shoulders, guiding you to look at him. Really look at him. 

_In these coming years_

“No, I’m serious. Listen to me. You’re going to be safe. I will keep you safe. I promise you that on my life. I won’t let them get to you, I won’t let them hurt you, I-I…” he sighed, desperately reaching for the right things to say but coming up empty-handed. Why was this so damn hard?!

_Many things will change_

“Eiji…I’m not worried about that. I’m not worried about that at all.” You forced a wobbly, thin-lipped smile. “I know I’m safe with you…I know that. It’s just…”

“Just what?” He searched your eyes. Those beautiful (e/c) eyes. “Talk to me, Y/N. _Please._ ” His hands cupped your face, silently begging you to open up so he could help you or something! 

“Eijiro,” you breathed, bracing yourself against the torrent of words purging themselves out of your pain. “I just feel so...so *small*. So unimportant. You wonder why I always discount myself, why I always apologize for the stupidest of things, why I beat myself up so much? Eiji, I’ve never been made to feel important enough by the person that’s supposed to value you the most! I grew up always being less than. She always chose the next guy, the alcohol, the drugs, herself, over me! Her own child! I am the nuisance of the family. I’m supposed to be indebted to her for granting me this miraculous life. I owe her the world because clearly she did me the biggest favor on the planet and birthed me. How can I possibly feel worth anything other than the dirt below your feet when it seems like I was just born to be that way? I am wired to put myself aside and let others go before me. I was born to walk on eggshells to protect the emotional balance of others. Of course, this is upsetting because some small part of me knows that I deserve so much better than this on the most basic of human decency. But this? This is my normal. It’s all I’ve known. Of course she’d choose my abuser over me. It’s to be expected. It keeps me in the perfect state of brokenness.”

“Y/N, I - “

“Eiji, I know what you’re going to say.” You’d heard it all before, and you didn’t much care to hear it all rehashed for you once again. ‘You’re worth more than that, you’re important to me, you deserved better, don’t think like that, blah blah blah.’ You’re better off telling a blind person to see. 

_But the way I feel_

“Hey, hey. Let me talk for a minute, okay? Just hear me out,” he brushed his thumbs underneath your eyes, delicacy rippling through every gesture and word. Though you couldn’t accept it, you could not deny he was acting out of pure love. It scared you. But you bit your lip and conceded. “I know you’ve heard all of this before, but you’ve gotta listen to me and really hear me. You didn’t deserve what you went through. You don’t deserve what you’re still going through. What you deserve is to be taken care of and to be loved. You deserve to be heard. You deserve the entire world if I could give it to you. You deserve to understand that none of what happened to you is your fault. You deserved better. Do you hear me?” 

_Will remain the same_

You shook your head, gnawing on your bottom lip and unable to meet his gaze. Years of conditioning prevented a change of heart that was desperately needed. Kirishima knew that, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. 

“I just want to be unbreakable, Eiji, just like you.” Oh, if you only knew. That in and of itself burst his heart into jagged splinters.

“Being unbreakable doesn’t always mean you’re strong. Sometimes, the best and strongest parts of ourselves come from our broken pieces. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to allow yourself to break, even if it’s just a little bit. But that doesn’t make you weak. You are strong. And through all of that bullshit you’ve been through, you were strong. However, don’t think that it’s expected of you to be strong. You are allowed to break. But you. Are not. Broken.”

_Lay us down_

Your lip trembled, a fresh wave of hot tears already beginning their descent. Eijiro pulled you into his arms, leaning back against the pillows and guiding you to lay back with him. Your back pressed against his bare torso as he wrapped his arms around you. And he let you cry. Your shoulders shook and your voice was raw and your nose was snotty, but he remained. He pressed feathery kisses to your cheek and head, brushing the hair back from your face and gently rocking you. He couldn’t take away your pain, but he could sit in it alongside you. He could hold you until your world stopped crumbling. So he did. He kept his cheek pressed to the top of your head as he gently rocked you until you had quietened down, reduced to nothing but mumbled apologies and quiet sniffles. You wiped your face, ridding yourself of your embarrassing breakdown but you remained in his hold, your forehead tucked into the curve of his neck.

_We’re in love_

“Hey, you wanna know somethin’?” He adjusted to look down at you, offering a tender smile.

“Hm?” You peered back up at him, though your eyes were still dangerously watery.

“You’re my girl. You’re the glue that puts me together when I’ve reached past my limits. You keep ME unbreakable. Even when you’re mad at me, even when you’re acting extra stupid one day, even when you feel weak...you’re my everything. And I need you to understand that. You’re strong, and even if you’re not your mom’s world, you’re mine. I wouldn’t give that up for anything, okay?” His eyes studied yours, pleading with you to grasp his sincerity somewhere deep within you. And you did. It was warm and overwhelming and comforting. The understanding seeped from your lungs and spread its tendrils throughout your veins. Only his love could erupt galaxies within you even if you were absolutely terrified of the thought. “How unmanly would that be? Losing the best girl in the whole entire universe?” he playfully scoffed, giving way to a toothy grin. 

“Sometimes I think you love me too much.” you sheepishly smiled up at him, reaching up to brush a stray crimson hair from his eyes. 

He kissed your temple, his smile softening. “And I think I don’t love you enough.”

“Love me like that forever.”

“How could I not?” Cradling your face in his hand, he kissed you. Deeply. Tenderly.

_Lay us down_

Your healing would start here. 

_We’re in love_


	8. Where the Road Parts - Hawks (4/?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see oopsie. anyways, here's some angst i love u please dont hate me.  
> also i really, really, REALLY, recommend listening to this song because oh my gosh it's so good and the emotions are so potent. and honestly the band is phenomenal.  
> if you're interested, it's 'Where the Road Parts' by The Dear Hunter. if you listen, please let me know what you think in the comments i need more Dear Hunter mutuals

He swallowed thickly. The surface of his phone pressed into his cheek, slick with sweat. Your sigh left a hollow echo on the other end of the line. 

“What do you mean ‘you can’t do this’? What the hell does that mean, Y/N?” 

“Keigo, I’m saying we’re done here.” 

“We’re _what_?” His voice began to rise as his heart rate followed in its footsteps, pounding sickeningly throughout his entire body. It nearly drowned out your response. Paralysis began to settle into his bones. No. No, this was not a conversation he was having over the phone. Clicking it off, he bolted off towards your shared apartment. The sharp winds nearly blistered his face, but he was far too preoccupied to notice. A sweltering heat pressed behind his forehead, blood violently pummeling his eardrums.

_It's ironic how I'd fall just to get back up again  
A fix to cure this ailing bitter agony_

Where the hell was this coming from? This was entirely left field, leaving him knocked off of his feet before he even had a chance to catch himself. Surely, there wasn’t some missing puzzle piece he had neglected to find. He racked his brain for answers to questions he simply couldn’t find. Hawks realized his own faults and shortcomings with you, and he knew - God, how he knew - that things between the two of you had recently been...off. But, Jesus Christ, why would you pull the rug out from under him now? Wouldn’t there have been more signs? Wouldn’t he have seen more fucking signs?!

_Meet me where the road parts  
You remember where we first met_

His usual grace was forgotten as he scrambled recklessly through the door, throwing it open in a frantic search for you. 

“Y/N?!” he darted around the corner to find you standing vigil in the living room, stone-faced and poised in grave elegance. Could you truly bring so much destruction in one beautiful sweep of tongue? He stood before you, arms hung limply at his side. And for once, he was wordless. Your decision was etched with finality into your grave features. This...this was it. 

_So tongue-in-cheek with stale irony  
If it pleases you, it pleases me_

“Keigo,” soft conviction laid bare before him. Your heart broke, but it had been broken for a long time now. You were constantly hoping for something that was never to come. Is this what it felt like to love a shooting star?

“...why?” his golden eyes bore into yours, confused and angry, “why now?”

You returned his stare, hands held up in a wordless sign of defeat. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

_Just an innocent call, a telephone call  
Just an innocent call_

“I want you to tell me why this is just now coming up. I want...I want an explanation, Christ, give me **something** , goddammit! You’re-you’re pulling the rug out from under me, Y/N. What, I’m just supposed to let you leave without at least discussing what the **hell** is going on? You can’t...you can’t just make yourself comfortable in my life and then run away with nothing but empty space behind! I-I-I...I don’t....” he was gripping at straws, trying to grasp some sort of semblance of control. Suave stoicism was a natural part of Keigo Takami, but you had this man flailing endlessly in the dark. A terrifying descent for a suddenly flightless man. All it took was a single phone call to rip every red feather from his back. A single fucking call. 

You raked a hand through your hair. You were exhausted, but you also expected your evening to turn out like this. You were kidding yourself if you even thought for a second Keigo wasn’t going to give you a hard time. As much as you did **not** want to deal with it, you had to cut the man some slack. Had it gone by your plan, you would have left him with nothing but a phone call. And that’s no way to leave someone you loved behind…at least, not this time. 

Sighing, you turned away from him to gaze out the window, staring emptily at the street below while gathering some semblance of an explanation that could make him understand. You didn’t hate him. Of course not. You loved him. You would’ve followed him around the world if he would have let you. But you valued yourself, too. And you couldn’t fathom a future of the constant waiting and wondering when he’d be home next. The lack of consistency, the secrets, the shady business, awful as hell work hours - it all wore down the patience you had. Understanding can only be stretched so far, even in the name of love. And by God, did you grant him more than enough room to breathe. You hardly questioned anything at all, eventually from the knowledge that you’d only get a half-hearted sideways answer anyways. 

“Y/N…please. Just talk to me. That’s all I’m asking.”

You spun around, exasperation entwined with every breathy word. “And tell you what? Honestly?” You lightly shook your head, eyes searching his face as if they could force your words into his brain and have them settle into a solid state of comprehension. “Keigo, you know there’s been a distance between us for…God, for months now. You know we haven’t been the same! Or maybe you didn’t. Because you were hardly here long enough to see what was happening right before your eyes.”

_Now, if you were in bloom I'd pluck your petals clean_

Hawks’ eyes widened, his stance stiffening. The venom in your words was unintentional. But you had said it in truth, and there simply was no backing away from it now. He hadn’t had the pleasure of taking a front-row seat, watching as your relationship decayed from lack of maintenance. He was able to work, to run away from the scenes laid out before him while you were forced to sit and watch a once-thriving life wither away. You had the lovely luxury of cleaning up the messes behind his wrecking ball path. You were **so sick** of picking up the pieces. 

You loved him once, you truly did. If only you could replicate those nights spent in his arms, far removed the city below as you danced amongst the stars. You both walked astray in a seemingly eternal summer, the liveliness of a youthful love keeping you both blooming in gorgeous technicolor. Domesticity was blissful, and the world was painted in nothing but golds and crimsons. But as with every timeline, the chapter must meet its end. Autumn darkened the world in its humbly chilled arms. And winter followed quickly behind, sweeping up the remaining embers until they turned to ashes. And, somehow, your winter never found its way back to spring. 

“You know why I do what I do. You know I’m here with you anytime I can spare it!” His brow knitted into a harsh glare. Stern golden eyes locked on you. Hawks felt his chest pounding with every second. Pressure began to build in his head, the blood rushing to drown out the overwhelming emotions that seized his chest. He felt his breathing begin to labor ever so slightly. Anger lead the chariot. But fear held the reigns. How did we get so locked away?

You offered a hearty eye-roll. “Save the bullshit. I’ve heard it a million times. I know, okay? I know it’s because of your job. It’s always the job. It’s always this, always that, always _I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you, duty calls_.” You stared back at him, unimpressed with this entire conversation. “Do you realize how much of my life I put on hold in hopes that you would come home? I became pathetic, whimpering for your time and affection like a starved dog! Nobody should live like that! I was silently begging God or whoever would listen to please, please just let him have a day off. Let me spend time with the man I love most instead of wasting away at the idea of him! But I can’t do that anymore. I didn’t know my signature would be forged on a dotted line. I didn’t sign my life off to some hopeless idea of you.” Your throat began to hurt from the overexertion as the anger steadily subsided into defeat. 

_Although it won't seem so, I can promise you, my ego's running me_

“Christ, Y/N, what do you want from me? Truthfully? What do you want? You want me to be more affectionate? You-you want me to quit being a hero?? Because I’m at a loss here!”

“I just wanted YOU!! You, you, you, that’s all I wanted, Keigo!” A choked sob escaped as you screamed, hot tears losing no time in their descent down your reddened cheeks. You could throw something across the room if it would have furthered your cause, but you’d already made so much of a scene. And this time, he wasn’t worth it.

“Baby, what are you _talking_ about? You have me, you do, you have me!” His voice was gentler but still just as urgent, a pained look of helplessness crossing his face. He crossed the room towards you, hands reaching out to grab you as you slowly turned into yourself. You shook your head, enveloping your chest with your own arms. Hawks gripped your shoulders lightly, attempting to pull you closer as he murmured sweet reassurances. 

“No, no, I don’t I don’t I don’t have you I don’t have you I don’t have you stop, stop, stop,” you shook your head, curling within yourself as you attempted to push him away from you. It was all too much. The raging thoughts in your head roared with the constant thundering of a toiling ocean. His never-ending words, his touch, he was too close he’s too close to me he’s so loud god it’s so loud I can’t do this get away from me get away from me please please don’t TOUCH ME. Sensory overload got the better of you. In your final moment of panic, you shoved him away. Hawks stumbled backward, his stomach clenching as he backed away from you. You’d never pushed him away before. 

_Then I’d be cold, you were the only one that didn't fold_

He stood motionless, eyes wide and jaw slack. His hands fell limp to his sides once more. Who knew the beginning of the end would bury him in so much fear and misery? Looking back, Keigo would pin this moment as the pinnacle of finality. But you couldn’t blame a drowning man for grasping onto what pieces of anchor he had left. He buried his trembling hands in his hair, hoping to conceal the quickly vanishing façade of partial composure. He paced the floor. You didn’t want him anymore, in any way, and it **broke** him. For fuck’s sake, you pushed him away! He wasn’t just losing you in pieces. He was losing you in gaping parts, snatched away too violently for emotional comprehension. God, he loved you. He LOVES you. But now you didn’t want him to love you. It’s not enough to just love you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! His emotions were treading a terribly fine line. 

_But I just broke right down for you in an attempt to gain control_

You sniffed, shaking your head as you wiped your cheeks on your sleeve. Your voice was low and husky, worn from overuse. “You’re too busy chasing after the world, and I just can’t keep wait-“

“YOU ARE MY WORLD!” A melancholic crack in his voice. A pitiful whimper. A hand running hopelessly through distressed golden locks. His voice resumed, broken in its resignation, “You are my world, Y/N.” He couldn’t bear to look at you, weak and tearful. Quiet sniffles escaped him occasionally, but it was all that was left behind in his outburst. The raw ache in his throat was the only reminder that he had pulled out the last resort in showing you his heart among hearts, that buried underneath all the swagger of the golden-boy braggadocio was a scared little boy clinging to the only anchor he had in this absolute shit-storm of a career.

You stared at him, stunned into a dead silence. 

But you couldn’t hold out on this forever. Tears glazed over your eyes despite the truth you had reconciled yourself to. For you and Keigo Takami, this was where the road diverged. Your one path now parting into two. Your footsteps padded lightly over to his shrinking form. Keigo dared to glance up at you, his breaking heart bursting at the seams where he had sewn it to his sleeve. 

“I’m leaving,” You gently placed your key in his gloved palm, curling his fingers over it, “And I’m not coming back.” 

His grip tightened on the key, baring his teeth against another sorrowed whimper. A bitterness swelled behind his teeth, filling his mouth with sour recollections of the pains he had caused you. Again and again and again. He replaced your love with his now ongoing lonely days that he had so willingly handed over through the lens of neglect. He did this to you. He brought this upon himself. So, if this was to be the end, then he should make it undeniably so. Even if it killed him.

_Maybe I'm a waste of time_

Through the walls of your heart, he would tear you to pieces. So he could ensure you wouldn’t have any uncertainty in your walk out of his life. No, he’d seal up any discrepancies in your resolution. No chances of turning back. No second glances. He’d force your hand in subtracting him from your heart. He would have no name, no ghosts left to haunt you. You would paint him in hatred and leave him to dry in the freezing rain. One of the quietest sacrifices a man could suffer: to risk the happiness shared with the one person that cherished and understood him most in order to preserve your safety. This was the only way he could secure your protection. 

_Sacrifice another life_

Resolve hardened in his clenched jaw and he straightened himself out, preparing for the slaughter. His gaze steeled as he glared up at you, icy venom surging forward. 

“How fitting. Of course, you’re leaving.” I’m sorry.

_You were the only one that didn't fold_

“Excuse me?” You pivoted around, anger and disbelief curling your face into a fearsome snarl. His chest ached at the sight.

“Don’t play stupid. We all know why you’re leaving. Things started getting too tough, so your easiest way out is to leave. Amazing, how quickly you give up. It’s pathetic really. How I ever settled for you, I’ll never know.” I’m so sorry. Oh fuck, I’m sorry.

_You were the only one that didn't fold_

Your upper lip curled further as a ferocious heat charred whatever lingering doubts you may have had for leaving him. Your decision remained unscathed amongst the ashen remains of regret and heartache.  
“Who the HELL do you think you are? Since when was it ME that gave up?? You must be out of your goddamn mind if you think I’m giving up so easily! I just-“ you huffed, words tumbling out of your throat faster than you could catch them. “I stayed, Keigo. I stayed every single night you left without a word! I trusted you to come back home. I TRUSTED that it was actually a job you were taking and not fucking someone else while I waited here hour after hour pining over the thought of you coming home! How fucking dare you insinuate it was ME that gave up so easily! Hate to break it to you, buddy, but it’s hard to give up on something that was barely even there in the first place!” you heaved a breath. Your vocal cords were already wearing out, raw from overuse and strain. 

_You were the only one that didn't fold_

“Pathetic!” he added a cruel laugh for effect. “You’re being dramatic. Did I not love you? Did I ever lie to you? Did I not work and slave hours on end, day after day, to make sure you could have everything?? You’re just going to overlook all that I’ve done for you so you can make away like a pathetic victim that you’ve always been?” I’m so sorry, I love you, I love you. Please go. Just go. 

_**You were the only one that didn't fold**_

The world around you engulfed in flames and tyranny. Whoever it was that was standing before you was not the man you had come to love all that time ago. That hateful monster staring back at you was not Keigo Takami. Somewhere along the way, he was lost through the fingertips of missing nights. Smudged into the fabric of lonely sheets and stolen escapes. And in this terrible tragedy, obscurity had no heroes. Despite the anger that consumed you, your stomach felt sick - a symptom of the violent heartbreak. You knew you would mourn the loss. You knew you would spend many nights sobbing yourself sick. And even now, you were watching the idea of him chip away and wither, slowly turning him into somebody you _used_ to love. You swallowed the tears, your voice faltering ever so slightly.

“Victim, huh?” You shouldered your remaining bags, hand gripping the door handle. Cold brass never felt so unforgiving. “Aren’t we all?”

_**You were the only one that didn't fold**_

He turned away from you, his words pressing against the back of his clenched teeth.  
“Get out.” Hidden tears clawed at his eyes. 

“Gladly.” You threw open the door. The chapter now coming to a vicious end.

Tears spilled over at the shudder of the slammed door. A stammering breath. A swipe of the hand. A broken vase. A solitary thud. His knees hit the carpet beneath him, hands hiding his wet face away from the unfeeling reality that he crafted. Lucifer set a precedent following his Great Fall. And even against the Devil, Keigo still fell short. Icarus mocked the broken man that lay sobbing on the floor. Hawks’ love affair with hubris shackled him in guilt and loneliness. But you were safe now. You were free. And the cost, however unbearable it may be, was worth that. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” his voice broke as your name crossed the threshold of his trembling lips. He brought his knees to his chest and cried. There was nothing left. No pieces to put back in place. This is the way it ends. 

_**You were the only one that didn't fold**_

You left the apartment, your fists clenched angrily inside your jacket pocket and hot tears streaking down resentful skin. Winter chased behind your every footfall, leering your trail with a bitter sting. Hawks wiped away the tearful remains of your aftermath, his hands wrapped tightly around the heartache he buried deep within his stomach. The only words left to echo in the void from a love lost: _who will repair this broken heart_?


End file.
